What the point of having a boyfriend when you can't see each other for nearly a year!
It's like we are never going to see each other no matter how hard I try. Fate just keeps separating us.
Once I go back home, it's not like I can easily go to see him alone in Japan..... Grandma and sis definitely want to tag along....

Life sucks! I'm so depressed!

But the good thing about being depressed is that I can't eat and can' sleep much, which means I'll easily loose my weight. But all the crying leave me with puffy eyes and swollen face....I looked into the mirror and was so shocked how ugly I look now....

Well, who cares! It's pointless to beautify myself anyway when there's no one to appreciate it....

It has come to  a conclusion that I won't be going to Japan this July.
Due to unforeseeable  circumstances, the trip has to be canceled.
This means that I may not see baby until Christmas/New Year or longer......
This trip kept me going when I was so so tired. Now that I've lost my motivation, I feel so lost. It's like I've been sucked into a black hole...I can't breath. I don't feel like doing anything.

Another addition to my Tensai Shimura Doubutsuen's otters collection.

This time, there is a new little cutest addition-- 'Dynamic'

Oh! I so so want otter!

At time like this, I wish I understand Japanese.....

Ahh, I have noting to do since I've handed in all my assessed essays.....
So I guess I'll update the list of J-Drama I've watched lately.

Thanks to  "Mysoju", I no longer have to download Dramas--and the list of Asian dramas there is quite extensive, too.

Here is the list of J-Drama I've watched the whole series in the past few months, listed in order of favourite.

1) Kekkon Dekinai Otoko  ---  Oh, how I love this Drama! No wonder it has been given so many awards. It's very funny without being lame nor obnoxious. Abe Hiroshi has become my favourite 'quality' actor (as oppose to bishonen-but-act-as-stiff-as-a-board ones). It's about and eccentric architect who think that getting married is unfathomable. 'henjin' is a very suitable word to describe him---well, he may be a weirdo, but an adorable one he is. Oh! so highly recommended !

2) Galileo-- Detective drama with, again, another eccentric genius physic professor and a rookie female detective. I like this drama even though I find the detective annoying at times. I mean how can a detective be so emotional and illogical? But the professor is love!-- Well, may be I have hidden desire for 'weird guy'.
 
3) Beauty or Beast --- A story about a high-flying female news program executive producer, her quests to improve the program's rating and her incompetent subordinates.( one of them is her happy-go-lucky ex-boyfriend). Another recommended drama. It's a drama with substance (as oppose to air-head bishonen drama). I cried and I laughed along with the characters. If it can move me to tears, then it can't be that bad.

4) Hanayome wa Yakudoshi --- A fallen news anchor forced to go undercover as fiancee of her ex-boyfriend at his peach farm. I really like the lead actress, Shinohara Ryoko.  Her acting is impressive. But the character I love the most in this drama is the to-be mother-in-law who is such a traditional matriarch. This drama has a very good combination of comedy and drama, with a lot of touching scenes. I love it.

5) I've Been Married to Hell --- Traditional mother- in -law and career daughter- in- law, plus one useless husband/son. A good comedy, despite the fact that I still can't understand why an intelligent writer can fall in love with such a wimp guy in the first place. Enjoyable series, I must say. But I'm biased anyway since I just dote Nakama Yukie.

6) Anna-san no Omame --- I've always been a fan of Becky since I saw her in Tensai Shimura Dobutsuen with 5 pandas, so I can't miss this drama. Gotta say that it's one silly drama. Lilly( Becky) is one annoying character but I think she is just adorable (I'm biased here). it's so unrealistic to the point that you don't care anymore but just watch and be entertained. Light-hearted silly drama that made me laugh out loud.

7) RH Plus --- well, can't say anything much about this drama. It's a vampire themed one. Not much substance but entertaining, non the less. Ooh, with cute guys, too.

Actually, there are more but I haven't finished the whole series yet.  There are some that  look really promising and there are also those that I couldn't bear to watch any further after a few episodes. I'll list them out tomorrow.

I'm soooooo happy. My second attempt at Cinnamon Rolls (Cinnabon duplicate) and my lastest attempt at Macarons came out fabulous!

As you may know from the previous post, my first batch of Cinnabon wasn't really good to look at ( but tasted divine).  Being such a head-strong perfectionist, I can't let it go. So today I made another batch.  This time I let the dough hooks of my mixer do all the job and not roll the dough as thinly as last time.

Et voila!!! here is the result



And here is a close-up of the frosted roll.



These pictures was take only about 5 minutes out of the oven. .... I  have to say that after the pictures are taken I greadily swoofed down the frosted one without delay.
Oh! it's so so nice, warm and gooey and not too sweet....I'm having a suger high now hahahaha...



And lastly, my countless failed attempt at Macarons are all forgotten. I made these little things yesterday.
Look at them, they have 'feet'

Vanilla macarons with salted caramel  buttercream




Since Nan is not here and everyone is busy with the finals, I'm gonna eat them all by myself.
Now I go with 3 Cinnabons a day ..... I guess by the time Nan's back, I may not be able to go out anywhere--since I might be too fat to pass through the door!

I remember about 12 years ago there was a bakery called 'Saint Cinnamon'  that sold the yummiest cinnamon rolls with variety of filling. Every Friday, coming back home from my boarding school, my mum would have a couple of them waiting for me in the car.....,  Living in the UK, some of the US baked goods are either not on sale here or are way overpriced...what a shame!

This morning I woke up with a craving for Cinnabon, Since it's impossible to find it here in Bristol, I decided to make it myself.

Found this recipe on the net.....supposed to be the closest to the original Cinnabon, I began my quest.

I'm not a big fan of making anything that involve using yeast. I can't really stand yeasty smell.  The same goes with any kind of bread as well. Apart from all-butter croissant ( must be all-butter--no cheap supermarket alternatives can satisfy me) and cinnamon rolls, let's just say bread has never in my shopping list.

The end result of my first attempt at Cinnabon is.......better than I expected.
Taste-wise it's almost the same as the original ( I's really happy here)---but appearance-wise.....Let's just say there is room for improvement.

The big ones I made kinda broke and disintegrated a bit....so no picture worth showing here.
However, the miniature ones made from scrape dough look cute enough to show you :)

So here is it, my miniature cinnabon :)---completed with cream cheese icing.



Ok, now I have to go clean up my messy kitchen....and have some more hot cinnabon :)

I sincerely think that the trip to Japan is gonna be the end of US. I have gut feeling that I'm gonna fall out of love because of it.
I really hate it when someone is negative and lack confidence.-- I just can't stand it!
I'm told that I'm  over-confident but what's wrong with that???

Is it so annoying to dream and plan?
Is it so scary to be lost?
Is it too bothersome to pay a little attention to my wishes and just encourage me that it's gonna be alright, that WE will make it happen?

I'm driven by my dreams and hopes and plans. I don't really think I can go on without them. Life is meaningless without them.
That's why I hate defeatist attitude. I think everything is possible if we put our effort into it, if we give it a try. And then if we fail, or things don't go as planned, so what!
I'll pick myself up and do it again!
Even if I don't know what's gonna happen in the future, I won't be discouraged. I won't just 'go with the flow' without any goal.
To give up even before the fight is just pure coward. And to worry even before anything happen is just not right!

When it comes to this, I might just as well forget all about it.....
or find someone with more compatible attitude to go with....or just go alone....

When you don't have high hope, you won't be so disappointed, right?!

Nan is going home tomorrow to sort out the lost passport matter. That means I'm gonna be home alone for about 5 days before I go to Germany.....
She is frantically  packing now. There are loads of books and papers that she needs to bring home in order to write her second year PhD. report. She been complaining that there is not enough time to write it and that she is in deep shit.



But guess what.....

Today she bought a new Wii game--Brain Age. plus....
I saw her pack all the books and academic stuff in her big luggage.-- not meant to be open until she reaches home....
The Wii is packed in her hand-carry.


Now, Nan, I know where exactly your priority lies.

Baby and I are making a bet. We decide not to contact each other for a week starting from yesterday. ...
It started by me being a bit upset since he preferred watching 24 to talking to me....Hmmm...

Nan thought I was gonna loose...but OH! I'm so sure I'm gonna win providing that I'll be super busy this whole week finishing up my essays.
-Foreign Policy Analysis
-Religious fundamentalism and International Relations Theory
-Asian Security
-Conflict, Development and Security.





And about half an hour ago, he called!!! See!! I've won!
But the devil imp said he hasn't lose yet.....How come???!!!

Ok, now go back to the essays....dazed and confused....

I'm very busy with my assessed essays lately....so troublesome!
Even though I really enjoy the subjects, writing essay is a pain..... Can't wait til the day I graduate and go home!

Actually I can't wait til the day I get to meet my baby just to recharge my battery so that I can go through the tough dissertation period.

Despite all that, I've been having so much fun with desserts lately. I recently made Earl Grey tea ice-cream which is delish! Nan said it's better than the one we had at Bocanova restaurant (which inspires me to make it in the first place). Uza really likes it, too- saying that it's very refreshing. Now you can see me beaming with pride :)
It's getting very hot here in the UK now.... around 22 degree during the day and a bit less at night.
Since it's really hot, I'm so happy that I have my ice-cream machine---Now you know that I'm in my ice-cream-crazy phrase again.

After watching this J-drama--Absolute Boyfriend ( Zettai Karashi)  , I have very strong crave for Choux Cream. You have to watch it to see what I mean. It's a very entertaining drama. Well, what's not to like--2 hot guys there! So, I decided to experiment with different filling for my choux cream. Normally, I always make a cocktail bun sized choux and fill it with cream chantilly ( sweeten whipped cream). This time I made  Cream Patisserie to fill the bigger-sized choux.  To be honest, I always afraid to make custard or anything involving  heating up egg yolks. I also think that using only the yolks is so wasteful. Well, there aren't many thing you can make with egg whites, are there?-- apart from meringue and macarons.... This time I was lucky to find a recipe for 'cream pat' which uses whole eggs. I'm very impressed with the result! It turned out very creamy and rich.

I didn't have a chance to take a picture of my new choux cream experiment since it was eaten up by the  next morning ( before there was enough sunlight to take a picture)

I have some 'cream pat' left so I decide to make this.

Mini Strawberry tarts



It looks simple yet tastes so nice.

Ok, now I'm off to finish my essays and enjoy some ice-cream! :)

Another cut form old Tensai Shimura Doubutsuen - 2.06.2007

Just to further affirm that otters are super cute, even grown-up ones.

This time Aoki met Jiro, the otter that was afraid to swim!




....now I'm off to finish my Religious Fundamentalism presentation....



 

A while ago, Nan bought me some matcha ( Japanese green tea powder). I'd been dying to use them in my desserts...
First, I made matcha panna cotta---it didn't turn out so good. I used Gordon Ramsey's panna cotta recipe from his book, Just Desserts. I don't know why but the texture was too rubbery...and I swear I didn't even tweak the recipe.

Yesterday I had a dinner party at Pin's house and I was entrusted with making desserts. Since I'd been dying to use the matcha, I decide to make this cake here.

Matcha Chiffon cake with Azuki bean and jasmine tea mousse



It was my first time making all the 3 components of the cake- green tea chiffon sponge, azuki bean mousse and jasmine tea mousse

Here is the inside of the cake....



I made the chiffon as I always do..just add a couple of teaspoons of matcha to the water ( I chose to do this instead of adding matcha to the flour). I made azuki bean paste from scratch, which I'm really proud of!!! The Yude Azuki testes really good on its own. Then I used the bean paste to make azuki bean mousse to fill the cake.
The pairing of green tea dessert and azuki bean, I think, is very common in Japanese dessert tradition. I remember having green tea pudding with yude azuki after sukiyaki meal at Akiyoshi....very nostalgic!

I also made jasmine tea mousse to ice the cake. The recipe is from Claire Clark's book-Indulge--which is my favourite book at the moment. The aroma of the jasmine tea was quite strong when having the mousse on its own....but when eating together with the cake, it was overpowered by the green tea aroma. but anyhow, I'm pretty please with the result.

I'm clumsy as always so the side of the cake didn't look so beautiful ... but the taste wasn't compromised at all.
It was a big hit at the party....it tested exactly how I'd liked it to be.--not too sweet with subtle aromas of the teas and bean complementing one another. I'll  definitely make this again!

*****On the side note, baby told me that his dad allowed him to go to Japan with me in July already! I'm so so so happy to the point of being over the moon!  Nothing could spoil my day even the icing imperfection ( which would normally drive me nuts)

Here is the second clip of the 2 sweet little otters in Tensai! Shimura Doubutsuen.


OMG! Look at  them drinking milk!
I'll definitely get one of those!


Thank you very much, MUM!!!!

Yesterday mum woke me up with a phone call saying that my aunt was coming to Bristol in the afternoon. She wanted me to take care of the aunt and her family--like, inviting them to my house for a meal and basically show them around Bristol.....

I was in shock!---She should have told me like a week beforehand ( or at least a couple of days before) but NOOOOOOO..... Mum chose to tell me exactly on the day!

Since I've been concentrating on my essays, the house was a mess! We haven't hoovered for about 2-3 weeks. There were papers and books everywhere. So, panicking  that my aunt  was to see shameful state of my house, I jumped out of bed and starting scrubbing the house. After I had finished with the toilet ( I took me an hour ), I then moved to hoover the whole house.....I've never hoovered this house before! In the past 2 years that we've been in this house, not once have I hoovered. It's baby's or Nan's responsibility...... Well, I've nrever thought that hoovering could be so so so tiring.....( I ended up sneezing and coughing because of the dust!) I also polished the dining table and coffee tables then dusted all the dusty surfaces.... I finished everything at about 4.45 pm.!

I also was waiting for my aunt's phone call all day.....

Then at about 7pm I finally got through to my cousin....and guess what she told me......
Not only that they weren't coming to Bristol. They are leaving tomorrow since they've been in the UK since 11 April.

I think Mum got confused between 11 and 17.....

OH, Mum, thanks to your misunderstanding ( or forgetfulness???), I am so knackered today due to all the elbow -greasing  activities. I'm also having blocked nose because of the dust....and all theses for nothing!!!!!!

So, note to self, next time confirm everything with Dad first before taking action!

Tensai! Shimura Doubutsuen

I came across this show unintentionally....Now I'm hooked! Thank God for Youtube!
Even though I don't understand what they are saying, I still enjoy the cuteness of all the animals in the show...(oh! how I wish I could understand Japanese)


Now I'm officially in love with otters! Take a look and I dare you to disagree with me!


Now don't dare tell me that your heart doesn't melt seeing these two sweetest little things!

Nan bought Mario Kart Wii with the stirring wheel today. At first I didn't wanna play....
Well, everyone knows that I'm not big on racing game. ( I was so surprised that my little sister likes Gran Turismo 4 on PS-- I didn't like it one bit) Mario Kart Double Dash! on Gamecube is just so so to me---I has fun playing it with friends but never in a million year I'll play it alone.....

Mario Kart Wii is different! I really like it! I love that it's so easy to control using the stirring wheel. ( I'm crappy at using console)
Graphic is really good. The characters are cute and the tracks are interesting ( with some old ones from Double Dash). Nan will go buy one more stirring wheel this Saturday and we'll figure out how to connect the Wii to wireless internet. Then we can compete with (Nan's) friends online!....I'm so excited just thinking of it... :)

Now I'm off to bed....so tired  from tidying the house and playing Mario Kart Wii....

My baby bought me this Ayaka's single from Japan!!!! I'm so so happy. He said that the CD looks cool....
I can't wait to see it!

Anyhow, here is the subbed PV

Te wo Tsunagou--(Let's hold hands) by Ayaka


The romanji and translation is by the lovely yukidama. Thank you very much for taking your time translating for me :)

Download link here

This is my current favourite song.

Ayaka is such a great singer! Her voice is so powerful and beautiful.  Not many artists are good at singing live but she is one of the very few exceptions!
All her live performances are solid! Not even a bit pitchy.

Here is the subbed video
Te wo Tsunagou --live on Music Station 080307

Big thanks to the awesome yukidama who,despite her busy schedule, provide me the romanji and translation.

Download link here

Yesterday I made carrot cakes from my new Claire Clark's book- Indulge. OMG!!!! It's so so good! It the best carrot cake I've ever had!
Carrot cake has been my new found love since last year. Before that, I couldn't even think if eating it so baking it was absolutely out of the question.

Before yesterday I thought Pret A Manger's carrot cake was the best.....There was time when I had Pret's carrot cake everyday for a month....
I tried to replicate Pret's carrot cake to no avail. I tried so many recipes-- Delia's, Gordon Ramsey's, Nigella's and loads of recipes on the internet-- to the point of giving up and resign to the thought of having to buy them forever. But you see, there is no Pret A Manger at home. If I can't find the recipe that I'm happy with then when I go back home I may never have good carrot cake again!

Now I'm so happy that I've found the best carrot cake recipe which produces the best carrot cake I've ever had! Nan agrees, too. She said it's also the best she 's had so far. It's not like the Pret's one, it's better!

Thank you Claire Clark for the amazing recipes from the super amazing book!
The thing with cookbooks is that sometimes you have to make a dish so many times to fine-tune it to your taste. It's more complicate when it comes to baking because it's pure chemistry! Everything has to be exact. Blindly adjust some ingredients may have effect on not only taste but texture as well.... I can attest to this since  I have had countless failed experiments on countless dishes. For example,it took me 3 years to perfect  chocolate chip cookies that Go's happy to eat-- with so many batches ending up in the bin ( out of frustration!). And don't let me go to Macarons! My Macarons obsession period comes once or twice a year. Each time, more than dozen of egg yolks are thrown away while the finished products left me so frustrated  I swore never to make macarons again.

Claire Clark's recipes are rare exceptions! I've tried only 2 recipes and both works without me making a mental note to adjust something when I make it next time---which is very rare! I think I'm gonna have so much fun with this book for a long time!

Here, I proudly present you my best carrot cake.


The cake is super light and moist and very flavourful. It's also not too sweet, which I really prefer. The creamcheese icing complements the cake really well (normally, I always scrape off the icing since it's too sweet for my liking)

I'll definitely make this again!

It snowed in Bristol today ! Why!!! It's spring already. We suppose to have sunny days and some warmth!
I guess the climate change is more severe than we want it to be!
I watched the snow though the window and singing Matchbox20's 'Let's see how far we've come'....

" I believe the world is burning to the ground
Oh well I guess we're gonna find out
Let's see how far we've come
Let's see how far we've come

Well I, believe, its all, coming to an end
Oh well, I guess, we're gonna pretend,
Let's see how far we've come
Let's see how far we've come"

Climate change is here,people! Don't turn the blind eyes on it!
I suddenly feel ashamed that I haven't separated  paper for recycle for ages and for still washing my clothes at 40 degree....
From now on I'll separate my garbage for recycle without fail.....
One thing I'm so proud of is that we have been using big reusable bags for shopping since last October....so no more unnecessary supermarket plastic bags in our household!

Animal welfare is another thing that I feel so strongly about. Now we try to buy free-range chickens and 'freedom food' meat as much as possible. Job well done to you, Jamie Olivers and Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall !

My baby is in Japan now.... so envy him....I wanna go to Japan.,too!
He found  and bought me the book I really want --Hidemi Sugino's The Dessert Book!



Can't wait to cook from his recipes! Now I only wait for him to find another book.-- Hidemi Sugino's 素材より素材らしく. Gambatte ne!
His dad said it's all in japanese....but from what I heard it has lists of ingredients and some cooking instruction in French...
I really hope that the French part is sufficient for me to follow. ( this is the first time that I don't think 8 years of studying French is in vain!)

My new cookbook has arrived--- Indulge by Claire Clark


Very very good book. The recipes are great and easy to follow.
I've just made Peanut  Butter Cookies and they are really delicious (but a bit too sweet for me). Tomorrow I'll make the suggested filling and sandwich the cookies together. Hopefully the filling ( peanut butter filling) will add some saltiness to the cookies and balance  the taste as a whole.

Here is a picture of the Peanut Butter Cookies before being sandwiched.


On the side note, I've booked an appointment for a cut and colouring session. It's spring so my hair needs some love.
Baby, wait for my new look!

It's 5 in the morning and Go has just called 10 minutes ago to tell me he loves me and misses me.....( the whole conversation lasted like 45 seconds)

I know,babe.....I appreciate that ......but it's 5 am!! 5 am!!!

I love him to death but I really want to strangle him right now....  I was frightfully awaken by the phone ring. And now  that I'm fully awake, I can't go back to bed!  Sleep-deprived Palm = Cranky Palm

Thanks a lot, babe....